You can’t sit with us

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What do you do when your whole life has been built on layers of lies on top of lies? Who you are, who the people are around you, what you like, what you want from life, who you trust, what you dislike and where you’re from.

I guess it’s a a matter of finding yourself. But that is an isolating process. You need to get rid of things and peoples and memories you thought were the truth or important or even relevant. And you need to let in things and peoples and memories you don’t fully understand. Yet people expect you to fully understand and to be where they are already. Because you are now one of them. One of us.

How do you start all over again when where you want to be will take years but you only have days? You talk the talk and even walk the walk but how much of it is faking it till you make it? And how many of them know this about you, resent you for it and are waiting for you to go away again, just as quickly and suddenly as you had come? Go away to find this new version of yourself that you once again think is yourself until proven otherwise. How many more reinventions until you find your truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

And can it be that you have always known and you will always keep knowing – you don’t belong here – you can’t sit with us.

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