Ramadan is amazing. I could write pages on how blessed this month is and how it magically transforms our souls. But people have already done this and they’ve done it way better than I ever could. So this post is about me.
My heart feels void. Even after 10 days I do not have the Ramadan feeling that it so desperately earns for, that feeling I have basked in before and that feeling I hear people talk about now. My prayers feel empty, my mind distracted and my body reluctant.
I feel so alone in my thoughts. Whilst everyone is on their high, I am at my lowest. I had hoped to spend this time reading, contemplating and watching inspirational videos. Instead I’m spending my days in bed, on my phone. Even starting this blog is a procrastination tool!
But I have not lost hope. And by the will of Allah I will continue trying.
- I will do a little everyday and hope to add to that everyday until it becomes a habit. This includes praying on time, praying tahhajjud, and ensuring I still remember the parts of the Quran I had learnt before and do not often read
- This is the month of the Quran and I will focus on reading Allah’s words. Some days it’s barely anything and other days it’s a lot. I’m slow but I will keep going. And even when I am not reading, I hope to have Quran playing in the background.
- I pray taraweeh in my local mosque, letting the beautiful recitation wash over me.
- I will sincerely talk to my Lord. Tell Him my struggles, ask Him for help, thank Him for all I have, beg Him for forgiveness and pray for all those suffering around me.
- I will make myself realistic targets, review them weekly and add to them when they become habit. I will continue calling to my Lord, telling Him my fears and my struggles.
I will have faith. I will stay hopeful.
“…And if My servant draws near to Me by a hand’s span, I would draw near to him by an arm’s length and if he draws near to Me by an arm’s length, I would draw near to him by a fathom’s length. And if My servant comes to me walking, I would go to him running” – Allah, narrated in Bukari
Wishing everyone a blessed Ramadan. And to my brothers and sisters – may our worship be sincere and continue. May Allah accept them. And may we be amongst the blessed ones who leave this month with all our sins forgiven. Ameen
Disclaimer: I am no scholar and I am no model for all Muslims. I state this because too often the actions of one Muslim is used to brand all. I am just me.