That perfect someone 

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Settle down with your perfect someone. That’s the dream we’re taught to wait for – from Disney, from the media and from friends. But I’m 23 and I still don’t know what perfect is to me. 

We dated for seven years. He knows things about me that no one else knows. He is cool, energetic and can make friends with anyone. A bad boy, the type all the girls lusted over. He made me brave and with him I found myself. We almost got married. But he cheated. And he lied. He’s not the perfect someone.

One of my closest friends revealed he had feelings for me in the past but they were gone now. Now there’s an unspoken pact never to bring it up again. He’s smart and witty – we can talk for hours and he can make me laugh even when I’m angry. He gets me. But he’s lazy, apathetic and a child stuck in a man’s body. He’s not the perfect someone.

We’ve been friends for just over a year. He’s inspiring, a real world shaker. He knows things and feeds my mind. A real hipster – achieved without even trying. But he’s arrogant, a womaniser and I spend most of our time telling him off. He’s not the perfect someone.

A friend tried to set me up with his friend. We share common interests, have so many mutal friends and his faith is as important to him as it is to me. He’s a leader and loved by many. I know he’ll push me to be a better version of myself. But I just don’t feel attracted to him. And he likes cats. He’s not the perfect someone.

We met a few times with mutal friends. His smile warmed my soul and his gentle way healed me even in that short moment. There’s something raw about the way I feel about him. But I know nothing about him. And he knows nothing about me. We are worlds apart. He’s not the perfect someone.

My mum’s friend mentioned her son is single and looking to get married. We have not met yet but I was told he has graduated from university, is a family loving man and kinda cute. But he works in a retail store (and so will earn a significant amount less than me). This shouldn’t matter but I’ve learnt from experience that men go funny when they’re not the primary breadwinner, society makes them feel like they’ve failed. He is several years older than me and he still lives with his parents. He’s not the perfect someone.

I am loving and passionate, wanting to change my world. I love to listen and will always make time for others even when I can’t. I am smart, not afraid to own a world typically ruled by men. But I am moody and will hide things. I can barely cook and am extremely messy. I am career orientated, and still unsure about if I want children. I don’t trust people to get things done right and spread myself too thin. I’m not the perfect someone. 

So whilst I wait for my perfect someone I’ll work on myself to become the perfect someone.

Make sure you have your own life before becoming someone’s wife – Beyoncé

34 thoughts on “That perfect someone ”

  2. I really enjoyed this article because this was exactly what I was thinking about today…one of my good friends is having massive trouble with her marriage and I am struggling with the same problem as you are. In fact, reading your story is a little like reading mine, so I can totally identify.

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    • That’s great. Yes I defo think it’s a more common thought amongst girls than we let on. Has been on my mind for a few days after hearing one of my friend’s relationship broke off too! Funny how that worked out

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  3. I give up with men. Might try women. I kid. That is soooooooo haram hahaha. On a serious note, I nearly got hitched too around a year ago. It was a serious rship. Im so over bf/gf rships now. Im the same age as u. I’m gna do it the right way next time inshaallah.

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  4. I’m in my thirties and I haven’t found the perfect someone. I’ve come to this age trying to find the perfect fit until I realized the same thing: I’m also not the perfect someone and I still need a lot to work on. Sometimes, the one you have with you is not perfect but loving someone does take work! Acceptance and adjusting to fit among other things.. I love this post and and conclusion of it. Great work 🙂

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  5. Wow!
    What an amazing post! I love the contradicting style of writing. I mean “He is … ,but ….” or “I am …. ,but …” It engages your readers and encourage them to read more and more until the end. For your topic, try to go out of the box and take your time thinking about his actions and if he is honest. Just observe his actions. True love is not the words said,but the actions done ….

    Keep up the great work!
    🙂

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  9. The picture of the ginger bread man and the caption beneath him was sufficient enough for me looool. Well, seven years of your life, you’re probably a loyal person but you’ve made a few big mistakes from what I see; one, you’re looking for something that doesn’t exist (perfection) and two, you’ve convinced yourself that (perfection) is out there and pursuing this non existent thing has only damaged you. So, fix yourself the way you know how Inshaa’Allah and Allah will fix an appropriate partner for you Inshaa’Allah.

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    • Thanks for this insight.

      I think in response –

      I am not looking for perfection that doesn’t exist (I know the Disney’s idea of perfection is not only eurocentric and completely unperfect, but does not exist). I’m looking for my own version of perfection – one that matches my own imperfections.
      And in pursuing an appropriate partner – who is perfect for me – I am looking to fix issues I would not be comfortable in a partner too.

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      • That’s excellent, I think that’s fair enough, maybe a little ambitious but possible. Still, you need somebody who can help make you become a better muslimah, not who matches you in imperfections Inshaa’Allah although very often we all share the same difficulties.

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      • That’s a very important point. Of course, we all dream of partners who develop us, who develop with us and make us the best of people.

        But when it comes to perfection – descriptions will change from person to person. So it’s up to us to find our own perfect person. Someone who won’t be enough or will be possible too much for someone else. That perfect, compatible match.

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      • Well, I’m not afraid to share as its not my blog lol.
        The ideal muslimah for me, is a beautiful sister, well mannered, ‘reasonably’ well versed in Islamic knowledge or at least very eager to learn, who isn’t stubborn and accepts and apologises when she’s in the wrong as an apology goes a long way with me and finally dresses in accordance to Islamic rulings! 😁

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      • I’m 26, I don’t go to uni although I’ve recently been considering going to ‘agriculture’ that subject and skill really interests me and I don’t use any modes of social media except Twitter and I don’t follow sisters although recently I had a little look around and I didn’t like what I saw anyway, Islamic sayings, ahadith etc mixed with topless men with booky captions so, nah, don’t need a social media sister, I leave them for the social media brothers lol.

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      • Ah I see. It’s defiantly easier meeting people when you’re at uni then after you’ve left.

        When I mean social circles I meant friends. For example, my tajweed teacher recommended someone to me.
        It’s interesting that you don’t follow sisters on twitter as I usually twitter is just words – not really people posting pictures of themselves. And men are more likely to post pics of women for example than women. I guess each to their own.

        Agriculture seems like an interesting subject to study. I guess it depends if there’s a certain career you’re looking to go into or if you’re seeking knowledge. Often careers don’t require specific degrees, and look more for work experience.

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      • ما شاء الله
        Yow long have you been studying tajweed?
        Yes I’m looking into it, I agree 100% uni often seems to be a way to get your foot in the door rather than to guarantee you a future; work experience is much more valuable.

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      • well we did tajweed when we were young but it wasn’t all correct. And there’s obviously more to learn always. I’ve been taking classes for about 2 years now.
        Good luck with making a decision about the course.

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