I give too much of myself.
I give up too much of time – checking emails whilst in bed, writing press releases on the train, meetings during the day, attending events during the evening and planning my own late into the night. I take on new projects others have little time for. And I mentor those who care, helping them focus their energy.
I give up too much of my love – continuing to help even when they’ve turned away before, remembering to forgive and give ‘just one more chance, just this last time – I promise‘. I prioritise the feelings and happiness of others above my own. And I will put myself on the line for the people and causes I care about.
I give up too much of my health. ‘Just this one last thing’ when I should be eating or sleeping. Or foregoing it altogether when time is pressed yet another issue cuts in. I bare the weight of all the confidential stories – the mistreatment and unfair dismissals, the abuse and the violence – carrying them with a jolly smile so they know all is not lost.
And because I only have a certain amount of time, love and health, I give away myself. But all of this I give because what I get back is my world. The stress and the pain and the lack of sleep I suffer – all forgotten when we win and we rejoice. My self forgotten for a short time so myself can be forever.
And I expect that from others. I expect them to know or to learn. I expect them to drop ‘it’ for ‘it all’. And most of all, I expect them to care. And because they care, I expect them to see and to plan and to do.
But we can’t rely on others. And that is why I give too much of myself.
Don’t depend too much of anyone in this world, even your shadow leaves you when you’re in darkness – anon