I met another man yesterday. He was … nice. There is really nothing much more to say about him. I asked whether he reads – he said no. I asked whether he did anything outside of work – he said no. I asked whether he has any plans in life – he said no. He is just very content with where he is right now.
And at first I was bored. Bored of listening, and bored at even imagining how boring his life would be. That was yesterday. Today I wonder whether he has something I don’t have – content. I am close to 25 and nowhere near satisfied with what I am doing, how much I know, who I am surrounded by. I still push myself to explore new areas and develop old skills.
He is closer to 30 and I wonder if at a point – different points for different people – we just stop wanting more and just start living with what we have. And would reaching that point show an abundance of peace or lack of drive.
I did not know him before yesterday so I do not know if he ever had hope and dreams to be more than he is now. Or of course whether those were to reach where he is now.
I wonder if I will ever get to where I want to be – first step of course being figuring out what that is. And if I ever did get there (wherever and whatever that may be), would I move the prize a little further away?
I guess I know what I want the answer to be. I never want to be satisfied. I want to keep pushing myself, to never settle.
And for the time being, I remain single.
“if someone does not want me it is not the end of the world. but if i do not want me. the world is nothing but endings.” ― Nayyirah Waheed,