Being an outsider 

The trouble with being part of so many groups is that you’re not really part of any group. They have their party. They have their trip. They have their jokes and their many quips. I can follow it all – smile, understand, blend in.

Yet I am seeing it all happen through a frosty window. I can feel the warmth but only as I walk past. I’m not who they target, who they meant to include.

Why are you such a beg?

So I scroll down my feed, wondering if they miss me – knowing that they don’t. Barely relevant, no longer a student, never the corporate man. Simple shadows of the various versions of the groups, never a solid whole. Peeking in but unable to join. Just an outsider – left out in the cold.

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Being glum

It is hard to be anything but glum.

When bombs fall like rain onto the honest whilst tyrants laugh in their chambers. I will never forget that. The sound of them chuckling after they voted to bomb people. People who, like them, have families and children. Who, like them, get terrified and are terrified. And there was nothing we could do about it. They ignored our pleas and cries in the streets. Nothing to stop this tiny island – once a beast but now a fragile shadow –  shoving in trying to demonstrate its relevance. And I know, 2 extra planes isn’t going to add anything. But one life destroyed is one too many. People are not collateral.

More news of shootings. More news of terrorist attacks not named terrorist attacks because the perpetrator was not brown or Muslim. More news of being falsely accused of terrorism – a whole route closed down because a man with a beard was on the bus, students being kicked out of class for being anti-war, a boy threatened by the police for fighting to keep his youth centre open – all suspects whilst the real terrorist live in their mansions.

Winter is here – I leave my room whilst it’s dark and watch the sunrise from the train. I leave work after it’s dark – completely missing sunset. I go into my room, usually after forced niceties,  and go on my phone to catch up with the world. A cycle of darkness. And I am left glum.

Blessings to al-Shâm, blessings to al-Shâm, blessings to al-Shâm! (yâ tûbâ li al-Shâm). Because the wings of the angels of the Merciful are lowered over it. – Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)