I was going through my notes on my phone, deleting things that don’t mean anything anymore. And then across a note I had last updated in 19th January 2013. They contain the words of my ex. Words he would say whilst we were arguing. And I’d write them down so I would not go back to him but like a fool I always did. Even after all those years they still hurt and I’m so disappointed in myself for staying with it for so long.
Finally those words are deleted out of my life. And slowly but surely I am deleting the memorise of him out too.
Once a whore always a whore
Your tears don’t mean shit to me. You look pathetic when you cry
You’re such a pathetic little shit
What I said, ok it was wrong, but see how angry YOU make me?
Don’t call me again or I’ll chuck my phone in your face
Me: I love you
You: Whatever, bye
being woke 
It takes a lot of strength to disentangle yourself from the terrible mind games involved in abusive relationships. That you are out is a terrific accomplishment. The amount of time it took you to get where you are is a measure of the daunting nature of the task, not your ability or worth. You survived, so it’s a job well done.
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Thank you. Yes you’re right. And I can now look back and think – heck I’m stronger now. (Not that anyone deserves that to be stronger.)
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For “like a fool” you could substitute “like someone brainwashed by years of exposure to damaging messages about love and romance and one’s worth as a person.” Just a thought. Glad you’re out of that painful place and away from that jerk.
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You’re so right! Thanks for the thought
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So glad you’re not in THAT mess any more. Good for you for having the courage to say “no more”.
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Thank you. It’s silly how at the time you don’t think it’s that bad but looking back I can’t believe I let anyone treat me like that.
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I feel you should even delete these hurtful words from this post. The words are still here for you to return to like a festering sore. I wish you happiness without him.
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Thanks for the thought. You’re right in that it’s always here now but it isn’t a sore here – here I can own and it remember I am better without it
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