Down melody lane

Music can trigger some of the most vivid memories we have. Sometimes it’s the lyrics themselves – speaking words we didn’t know how to string together. Other times it’s the space we’re in, the people we’re with, the adventures we’re living. I’ve had a think about my top 5 memorable songs. These are not necessarily my favourite songs – because that changes with my mood – but music that remind me of periods of my life. Come and join me down melody lane. 

Meant to be

I know we are not meant to be. You’re all logic and measurements. All seriousness and get it done tick box. I’m all heart and emotion. All living in the moment, don’t hurt anyone, it’ll work out fine in the end.

I know you sit there judging me. Wishing I could be more like you. Stop cursing. Stop laughing so loud with your boys that are trying so hard to make me laugh. Stop wearing that deep red lipstick that flickers a desire within you that you don’t want to need to control.

I know we are not meant to be. But you’re so perfect to me. And I want nothing more than to fit into your puzzle. Create our own picture. Solve it together. They all think I’m so cool. Chilled and feisty. The banter train ready. Get set, go. And I do go. Keep going till they ask me if it could, perhaps, be. But it can’t. Because I don’t want them. Even though I know we are not meant to be.

No matter how impossible, unattainable, or unimaginable something may be, if it’s meant to be – it’ll be. – unknown 

Straight Outta Compton

I was so excited when I saw the trailer to Straight Outta Compton – a film about the popularisation of American Gangsta Rap based on the lives of members of the N.W.A and others.

So, I took the little ones and myself over to watch it last night. And it was epic!

Not so little brother

This morning I found myself reminiscing about the cute things my not-so-little 16 year old brother has said to me over the years. Most of the time he is picky and builds up a rage inside me that only his annoying comebacks can raise.

But, once in a blue moon, he will do something or say something that will warm me to my core. 

Back with no bangs

Life has been quietly hectic recently. Nothing out of the ordinary yet extraordinary. Being the mum of the house takes a lot more time and energy than I ever thought it would so I decided to take an impromptu break. Even the post from a few days ago was scheduled a month ago and I didn’t have time to edit it before posting – oops!

But the house is still here, the kids are alive and the everything is clean! I’ve surpassed all expectations – especially my own. The individual tasks themselves are not what I struggled it – more so the combination of all the them together, the constant need for something to do and the balancing of my social life.

But I’m back now with fresh ideas and hope to be blogging more regularly. But in the meantime, I’ll be spending the rest of today catching up on my reader. And popping out for some much needed cookie dough this evening. But mostly reading.

I can’t believe I only have 2 weeks left until I start my new job. How did 53 days of summer evaporate so quickly? I only completed three out of ten of my summer plans! But upon reflection I’ve achieved way more than I had planned – working on new projects, spending time with my family and of course being the mum of the house.  Have you been sticking to your summer plans?

Rather than worrying about what I haven’t done, I’m going to enjoy the rest of my freedom – despite the horrible weather we’ve got going on.

My rock and mattress

My not-so-little brother completed his GCSEs today. It got me thinking about the day I got my own grades and I realised this is now seven years ago! As it turned out I achieved the best grades in the school that year, and set a school record (which has now been beaten). Looking back though, what should have been one of my proudest achievements actually brings me shame.

Now, I think many children of immigrants will know the overbearing parent who will be happy with nothing less than the best. But that wasn’t my mum – she was supportive and always told us that so long as we tried our best, we would have nothing to regret. She installed in me the need to be independent, to only rely on yourself and to love everything you do so you do it well.

Domestic Queen?

My mum will be going on holiday for a whole 5 weeks on Saturday. With her gone, as the eldest child, I will essentially be the ruler of the house. My sister – three years my junior – is more housekeeping-responsible. She knows when it’s the right time to have dinner (not when you’re simply hungry), when the little ones need to get to bed (apparently not when they’re sleepy) and how often to clean the bathroom (when it looks dirty should be replaced with a wipe down every night and a more thorough clean every week). So when my mum last went on holiday, the house was still standing and – more importantly to my mum – clean. This time, my sister is going with her, so it’s time for me to step up.

Now, this doesn’t sound like that hard a task. I am 23 years old, I have lived out for a few months here and there and travel around (the UK – not the world as I would wish) a lot. So I know how to look after myself. Unfortunately, looking after oneself isn’t the same as looking after a house. 

Our Voice Matters

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”- Dr Seuss

Sometimes we mute ourselves. We worry about saying something that will sound like we’re making a fuss. Our voices as women are quietened and as women of colour silenced. We are reminded we sound bossy. We sound aggressive. We don’t know what we’re talking about. We don’t sound like that passive, attractive women of their dreams anymore.

If something makes you feel uneasy, sends a pulse down to your stomach, does not sit right in your mind – you are not making a fuss. Your voice is important. You are confident. You are brave. You do know.

Because only you will know what your experience has taught you. It should not be ignored. You are not just the other.

So that comment that sounds a little racist or sexist, that joke that wasn’t so funny, that question simply inappropriate – call them out. Our voice matters.

Perhaps they will tell you you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Perhaps they will call you bossy. Perhaps they will call you aggressive. It may hurt. People those who you thought you trusted betray you. Allies broken.

But you’ll feel lighter – having done your bit – trying to make the world a better place for everyone. You’ll surround yourself with people who genuinely care. People who love you. People who empower you. And not those who clip your wings and muzzle your mind. Your voice will have mattered. And for that at least you can be proud.

First date: the post-nerves

So I went on my first date yesterday! I was super nervous but thankfully it went well! I didn’t faint, choke or do anything too embarrassing and here I am telling the tale so he didn’t end up being a murderer.

Actually thinking about it now it went really well. Conversation was flowing, he made me feel very at ease and time just flew by! He kept scoring brownie points after brownie points – leading to fixing of a second date. I know it’s way too early to tell if this will lead to anything serious but the signs are looking positive.

Here are my top 5 ‘this ones a keeper’ moments: 

First Date: the pre-nerves

I’m going on my first date since the big break up. I haven’t really blogged about it before but I mention both him and the new guy here. This is the guy who I said isn’t the perfect someone because the initial attraction just wasn’t there. Since then we’ve bumped into each other a few times – we have a tonne of mutal friends – so I learnt a little more about him. He’s actually a pretty awesome guy but also very humble. So we’ve decided to give it a go.

I’ve never been on a date before. My ex is the only person I have ever been with and we were good friends before he asked me out, so there wasn’t any awkward getting to know each other period. So, naturally, I’m feeling super nervous.