An unplanned ode

Today’s my last day working from the office this year. I would love to say it’s my last day working but alas I have decided to roll over my left over holiday to next year in the hopes I will make some use of it. I did only just get back from holiday about a month ago – though how quickly a tan fades and the longing to be on a plane out of here comes back!

Given I haven’t just written in a while I thought I would do just that. I did mention in the last time I did one of these that I am now in a new relationship. It will be just three months in a few days but boy does it feel longer. It is a weird one because we have been friends for two years now, and very good friends for several months. And when I say very good friends, I mean talking to each other everyday for about 3 months before we dated. There was a lot of “does he like me”, “why did he say that”, “can he tell I like him”.

Three months ago I decided I would give him until December to tell me if he liked me. God forbid I be the one to take the leap first. A few days later he said something that melted me and I just blurted out “you and me – what’s going on?” Completely unplanned and super awkward. But we talked and of course it turned out he liked me to and the rest is history.

He’s a shy one. And when I say shy I mean significant speaking disorder, inaudible shy. In fact, barely anyone can hear him and even fewer can understand him. But somehow I manage it. When he does speak, every word is important. And when he writes, he is quick and poetic. 

And we’ve already had our ups and downs. Not between me and him but with logistics – him living in another city, him just graduating and finding his place in the world, pressure from my family to settle down, wanting to keep the relationship to ourselves but having so many mutual friends. Yet I fall deeper every day.

I have never met someone who can read my face, my every word and my fears like him. I have never met someone who can teach me, help me explore and motivate myself like him. And I have never met someone who can make me laugh so hard, turn my stomach inside out and make me think of someone as much as him.

And he’s full of goodness and light. So selfless, so caring. Washing away all the darkness and fireworks. The rock I did not even know I needed.

I did not start this to end as an ode to him. But that’s what it has become. And I feel rather squishy about it.

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