Being an outsider 

The trouble with being part of so many groups is that you’re not really part of any group. They have their party. They have their trip. They have their jokes and their many quips. I can follow it all – smile, understand, blend in.

Yet I am seeing it all happen through a frosty window. I can feel the warmth but only as I walk past. I’m not who they target, who they meant to include.

Why are you such a beg?

So I scroll down my feed, wondering if they miss me – knowing that they don’t. Barely relevant, no longer a student, never the corporate man. Simple shadows of the various versions of the groups, never a solid whole. Peeking in but unable to join. Just an outsider – left out in the cold.

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7 thoughts on “Being an outsider 

    • That is probably it – but this is a feeling that’s been building up more and more since I’ve left uni. I’m still involved in loads of groups/volunteering projects which are dominated by university students so I feel like I’m kind of forcing myself into those situations. And I never fit into the corporate type of people – I don’t drink and I am not middle class. So I’m in a limbo.

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      • It’s hard not to have a core group… And it’s hard to start meeting new people once you’re out of uni. School is an enforced socialization situation where you naturally come into repeated contact with people… And if your workplace isn’t filled with people who “fit” with you, then it gets hard to start making new friends.

        Are you an introvert, too? I am, and so even when I do something like sign up for a class, I find it difficult to make more than a superficial connection with the people there.

        Good luck moving into this new part of your life and meeting good people. I wish I had a magic pill for you.

        Heck, I wish I had a magic pill for ME. 🙂

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      • Thank you for caring! Your words mean way more than I can explain in words – someone understands! I am one of those people who appear to be extroverted but actually I keep so much back and relationships formed are little but surface. I can fake being jolly, I am patient and I am genuinely caring which makes it easy to act like I’ve fit in – even when I know I don’t.

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      • I can relate to this so much. I have a bunch of “stock stories” about my life that I share, and I can do the “fitting in” act really well, like you. I was discussing the Meyers-Briggs scales with a couple of psychologists I’ve worked in the same office with for years; we were trying to guess each other’s MB designations and they both guessed I was an E. I was pretty surprised, actually.

        Anyway, good luck getting through the holidays. I hope you have some good things planned.

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  1. The pain of being in so many circles is that you don’t belong to any of them. I know of this pain. But don’t feel left in the cold for you’re not! Sometimes, it’s OK to weigh on one side more than another. Just be sure to counterweigh in order to restore the delicate balance. Besides, I’ve missed you! Tons actually 🙂 You always have a warm shoulder from me.

    Liked by 1 person

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